Dear Amy: My very best and🦄 oldest friend, “Curt” is getting married to his long-timeꦆ girlfriend.
I have spent a lot of time with them, and I can say d🤪efinitively that Curt’s life is much worse since they have been together.
His fiancée is extremely controlling and has him ﷽on a very short tether. Recently he told me that she threw a shoe at him in a fit of anger.
I believe this relationship is really bad for him and that his fiancée is an abuser. She has done what she can to isolate him from family members ☂and doesn’t speak to his mot༺her (and is threatening not to allow her at their wedding).
I am worried for Curt and very u💃nhappy about this marriage, which she is pushing him into.
Curt has asked me to be his best man, and I honestlꦅy worry that it is unethical for me to stand up in a church and witnᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚ𒀱ᩚᩚᩚess this wedding. I can’t imagine composing a speech or a toast.
Am I obligated to take this on?
– Not the Best Man
Dear Not the Best Man: You are not obligated to take this on.
However, I think you should.
Abusers gain their power by isolating the person they are abusing, and they make life so uncomfortable and so untenable that most peo🥀ple back away – or are pushed away. Tell “Curt” what you see and how you feel about it. And tell him that you will always have his back.
Consider this an act of extreme🎐 friendship. The way you can justify this is to tell yourself that you are standing up for him, if not for them.
For your speech, describe your close friendship, tell a wonderful story about him, and – sincerely – express your wish for a happy𓆏 future.
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